Don't hate me but this is hilarious
i. the hard-core dirty talk
Kaidan isn’t ready for the hits he gets when he searches dirty talk that night—a glass of whiskey on the table he doesn’t touch, the glow from his datapad giving him a pinch of a headache right between his eyebrows.
‘Put your big fat cruiser in my dock and rock it all night?’ he repeats, shaking his head. He has to wonder if there are people in the galaxy who actually find that sexy.
Maybe Joker or something.
He doesn’t see Vega passing by the observation deck, although he does hear him clear his throat, wide shadow crossing his line of vision a second later.
‘Yeesh—you gotta romance me a little first, major,’ Vega says. ‘Take me out to dinner, buy me a coupla drinks, pay for dessert…’
That night, right as Kaidan’s falling asleep, he thinks of the perfect comeback. I’m the dessert, he could’ve said.
Well, that’s why he needs the prep-work.
ii. it’s not what you say, but how you say it
Kaidan practices in the shower, steam rising from the tiles, making his cheeks flush.
‘Hey, Shepard.’
He goes so deep it starts to sound like he’s taken up smoking as often as the Illusive Man.
‘Hey, Shepard.’
He pulls it up a little cause too far is too far, piling something he hopes is mashed potatoes onto his plate for a late lunch, in the mess with nobody else around.
‘Hey… Shepard.’
He meets Shepard’s eyes and wonders if anybody can tell beforehand whether or not he sounds like liquid sex—or if it’s more like they picked up a cold during the latest mission to Noveria.
‘Hey, Kaidan,’ Shepard says, standing just inside the doorway.
‘Oh, hey,’ Kaidan replies.
Not as planned.
iii. dirty talking ways
‘You have any idea why we’re getting all this spyware on the private network all of a sudden?’ Joker asks, checking the local browser history and shaking his head.
‘No clue. Guess it must be Garrus downloading illegal Fornax vids again,’ Kaidan replies.
iv. it should come naturally from you
How did the whole thing kick off, anyway? Kaidan traces it back to the start while he watches Shepard shift out of bed and get dressed in the shadows, bending over to fish around for a boot he must’ve punted under the bed during the night.
It just…happened. Like most good things—and a few bad ones, too. Instinct kicked in and Shepard’s mouth was around Kaidan’s nipple and Kaidan said something, not even thinking about it, fingers raking across Shepard’s scalp.
And it must’ve sounded good, because the way Shepard groaned hummed through Kaidan’s chest all the way to his belly and between his legs.
But studying the reaction, planning ahead, figuring out a few set lines to use to recapture the moment…
It’s harder than it sounds—harder than Shepard when Kaidan asked him, ‘Shepard, you have any idea… You have any idea what you do to me with that tongue?’
v. from the not-so-dirty to the so-so-dirty
‘Hey, Shepard,’ Kaidan says.
The corner of Shepard’s left eyebrow twitches. Lips parted, softer than you’d expect. Kaidan knows what those lips taste like.
‘Can I come in?’ Kaidan adds.
Emphasis on the…you know. Come.
‘Sure,’ Shepard says, breathless already.
Kaidan goes for a handful of his own fatigues and Do you like it when I touch myself like this? instead of the rocking docking cruiser line, although he’s pretty sure Shepard would be a goner if Kaidan so much as mentioned his jellyfish sting.
Well, Kaidan thinks—maybe next time.
by spicyshimmy
edit: ok, uvědomila jsem si, že je to tak trochu smut, ale hell, už je po 10. hodině
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